Parents won’t let young man get ears pierced

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a gay guy from a pretty liberal family. My parents let my two older sisters get their ears pierced when they were really young; however, when I ask my parents if I can get my ears pierced, they change the conversation or shrug it off. I’ve really wanted my ears pierced for a few years now, and I can’t help but notice the double standard. It seems totally unfair that my sisters were allowed to, but I’m not. What should I do? — Double Standard

DEAR DOUBLE STANDARD: Ask your parents to have a family meeting with you. Tell them you have something important that you want to discuss with them. As you begin, thank them for being supportive of you as you grow into the person you are meant to be. If they have been welcoming of your sexuality, thank them for that. Next, explain that you want to talk about your desire to get your ears pierced. Point out that it is common for both males and females to pierce their ears these days, and you have wanted to get yours pierced for several years. Ask them what their apprehension is. If they deflect, work to hold the conversation on topic. Tell them that you notice that they change the sub- ject whenever you bring it up. Further, you know that they allowed your sisters to pierce their ears when they were young.
They may be reluctant based on either conscious or unconscious worries about you being labeled as gay — even though you already claim that identity. Maybe this is the entry point to talk more deeply about who you are and what you want for your life. Encourage them to talk openly with you. Your jour- ney is just beginning. You can bring them along if they are willing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a rising junior in college, and I’m currently working a part-time unpaid internship in the field of political science. Right now, I’m working from my off-campus housing. My mom, however, really wants to take a summer vacation with me. I understand that she’s probably bored at home because there isn’t much going on in my hometown. When I try to explain that I’m an intern and I don’t get vacation days, so I can’t take a vacation with her, she gets mad — saying that because it’s unpaid, I should be able to. Who is in the right? What should I do? — Confused College Student

DEAR CONFUSED COLLEGE STUDENT: When you talk to your mother, acknowledge how much you miss each other and want to spend time together. Know that as you are having a full and engaged life, she is living her normal life. She longs for you. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate her. Then explain how internships work. An internship is a job, and the more effort you put into doing your very best, the better off you will be. This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow — and fig- ure out if political science is your area of interest. Let your mother know that you are investing your time into your future right now. Ask her to please understand.

To answer your question simply: I think you are right. I started my career by having unpaid intern- ships that helped open doors. Go for it, but also visit your mother as soon as you can!