Teenage daughter stays up late and sleeps in
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DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter stays up late and has a hard time getting up in the morning. It’s obvious to me what she needs to do, but she doesn’t listen well right now.
My worry is what will happen when she goes away to college next year. I won’t be there to nudge her. My sister suggested that I use a bit of tough love, namely not waking her up in the morning. She said I need to let her be late for school a couple of times so that she can feel the repercussions of not being responsible. I have tried, but I haven’t been able to do that yet. She has a perfect school record for attendance and scores. I hate to see her ruin that. What do you suggest? — Can’t Get Up
DEAR CAN’T GET UP: Part of your responsibility as a parent is preparing your child to be independent. That surely includes being able to wake up without prompting. She is going to have to be able to get up on her own at some point. It’s better for it to happen now, while she is still on your watch.
Take your sister’s advice. If possible, figure out her schedule so that you have a sense of how to help her prioritize her time. Let her know that you will no longer be waking her up. At night, remind her of her schedule for the next day. Then resist the temptation to go in and sound the alarm. Hopefully your nighttime reminder will help her set internal and physical alarms to help her show up on time for her day. If not, let her experience the repercussions, even if that means a bad grade for a change.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who recently started a small business. She is excited about it, which is great, but I also think she is unrealistic about her trajectory. She is in the design and manufacturing space, which means she needs deep pockets to finance her dream. Because she spends so much time working on that project, she has been neglecting her job. The other day, her boss told her she was going to have to choose which to focus on. She decided to leave her job and go full-time on her dream. I think that’s crazy. It’s not that I don’t want her to succeed, but I just don’t think she’s ready. Now that she’s out there on her own, I don’t know what advice to give her. — On Her Own
DEAR ON HER OWN: Is your friend asking for advice? Perhaps what she needs most is cheerleading. She has put herself out there. In due time, she will discover if she has deep enough pockets to go for her dream without additional financial support. For now, encourage her to work hard and make a plan. She needs to figure out what it will take to manifest her dream. You can push her to pay attention to designing her way forward.
