Unemployed student questions canceling trip
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DEAR HARRIETTE: Should I cancel my birthday plans because I’m unemployed? I had a plan to go out of town with a few of my closest friends at the end of February for my birthday. I made these plans when I had a steady income stream, but two weeks ago I made the decision to quit my job and go back to school to work on getting my master’s degree. I was really excited about the plans I made for my birthday trip, and so were my friends. Now that I don’t know when I’ll have any income again, it seems kind of foolish to spend the money that I do have on a nonessential trip. I don’t want to let my friends down, and I don’t want to neglect my birthday completely. Should I cancel the trip? — Change of Plans
DEAR CHANGE OF PLANS: Good for you for being practical. It is wise not to spend a lot of money on a trip when your financial situation has changed so dramatically. Thank your friends for wanting to take this trip with you, and make an alternate recommendation. What about going to a fancy restaurant for dinner? It will be a splurge, but a much smaller one than originally planned.
You can also give your friends your blessing for them to go on the trip anyway, even though you are no longer going. They are excited about the plans you made together and may still want to go. Don’t be mad at them, though, if they take the trip!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a relationship with someone who makes a lot more money than I do. I have a job, but all it really does is pay my car insurance and nothing more. Most of my financial needs are met by my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years.
My friends and family all seem to think that there’s something wrong with my boyfriend supporting me financially, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. I am constantly applying to jobs that will put me in a position to be financially independent, but nothing has worked out so far. My boyfriend is supporting me short-term while I find ways to support myself long-term. Is this wrong? — Short-Term Support
DEAR SHORT-TERM SUPPORT: It is kind of your boyfriend to support you financially, and it sounds like a godsend, given your current financial circumstances. What’s important here is that you and he are clear about what’s happening. And you need to evaluate what you want and expect out of this relationship. If you and your boyfriend believe you are in it for the long haul, his support today is natural and exactly what a partner would do when the other is in need. If you think this is casual and, at best, a short-term relationship, accepting his money is wrong. That would be taking advantage of him. Think it through.
If you don’t really love him, stop taking his money and figure out another solution. If this feels like a long-term commitment, talk with him about the future. Make a plan. And keep looking for a job.
