Student studying abroad doesn’t hear from family
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I left the United States to study abroad in Paris almost two months ago, and my family hasn’t tried to contact me on their own since I left. Everyone seemed so sad before my trip, so I can’t imagine why they aren’t trying to reach out to me now.
Nowadays, when we speak on the phone or FaceTime, I am always the one calling first. I’ll get a few texts from time to time from my mother asking me random questions, but that’s it. My feelings are hurt. Why do you think they’re not calling? Should I say something to them about this? — Away From Home
DEAR AWAY FROM HOME: People view the absence of others from various perspectives based on their own personal experience. Who knows why your family has not been more responsive or proactive about talking to you? It could be that they don’t have a good sense of the time zone and when a right time might be to call. It might be that they don’t want to disturb you while you are off on your adventure. Rather feel hurt, you should figure out what they are thinking. For example, when my husband’s family left for America when he was a child, they could not phone because it was too expensive to call long distance. The only communication they had for three years was through the mail. Years later, when I traveled for work, he never called. I couldn’t understand until I dug deep enough to learn about his relationship to communication and travel.
You know your family loves you. Find out the root of why they don’t reach out. Stop feeling hurt and establish a routine call time that everyone expects and looks forward to, like Saturday or Sunday afternoon at a specific time. You will be amazed at how grateful you all will be.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working for a major fast-food chain for several years. I’ve worked my way up, and I am now the manager of my own store. I manage a lot of high school kids, and I often give them advice when they ask for it; they tell me the things they don’t tell their parents. I believe this has made them look at me as more of a friend than a boss. Sometimes, though, they don’t listen to me and joke around at the wrong times. How can I establish order in the workplace and still be the friend they need? — Friendly Boss
DEAR FRIENDLY BOSS: In the same way that you give them life advice, give them workplace advice and ground rules. Remind them of the expectations you have for employees. Detail what they should do and when — from being on time to taking their job seriously. You may also have to refresh their understanding of your role. Tell them how much you enjoy talking to them, but point out that they must do their jobs well in order to keep them.