Independent spirit seeks safety tips
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DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately I’ve been going out by myself on weekends. It’s been empowering and somewhat therapeutic for me to go out to clubs, restaurants, bars, movies, etc. by myself. I feel independent and self-sufficient knowing that I don’t need anyone else to have a great time. Interestingly enough, I meet more people when I’m out alone than when I’m out with my friends. The only thing that I feel any concern for is my safety. I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I live in a big city that can be slightly dangerous sometimes. How can I ensure that I’ll be safe when I’m out alone? — Going Solo
DEAR GOING SOLO: Good for you that you are living your life on your own terms. It’s smart that you want to be cautious. Most of the advice I have for you would apply even if you were out with someone else, but here are a few things to keep in mind. Do not accept drinks from people you do not know. Order your drink yourself and watch the bartender pour it and hand it to you. If you put your drink down and look away, the drink isn’t yours anymore, period. Do not get intoxicated. Stay of sound mind. Do not be the last person to leave an event. Use a car service if parking is too far away for a comfortable walk from the venue. Ask the maitre d’ or an attendant at a function to walk you to your car.
Don’t carry cumbersome packages or wear unwieldy shoes or overly flashy clothing. Present yourself on the modest side so that you don’t attract suspicious attention. Please know that this doesn’t mean you should look dowdy. Make sure that how you look matches how you mean to present yourself. If you have a friend or confidant whom you could tell where you are going or share your location via your smart device, do that so that you aren’t completely alone. Finally, always make sure your phone is fully charged before you leave the house.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a big conspiracy theorist. He watches these shows and then comes to tell me all the half-cocked stories that he has heard about the End of Days, aliens and other extreme things that he believes are happening in the world. I have no interest in hearing any of this. It makes me frustrated, but he insists that I sit with him and listen to whatever he just spent hours watching on YouTube. I have had enough. When I push back, he sulks. How can I preserve my sanity as he seems to be losing his? — Need A Firewall
DEAR NEED A FIREWALL: Allow your husband a half-hour of your time on a scheduled basis when he can download whatever he needs to get off his chest. You can endure that length of time, but you must make him stick to the schedule. Tell him clearly that you are not interested in these things, but you are willing to listen for a short time as long as he honors your agreement on time limits. If he goes over or invades your space when you are not interested in engaging, interrupt him and tell him it is not the time for his stories. He will get mad, but if you get up and walk away to enforce your boundaries, he will get over it in time.
