Affluent friend doesn’t want relationships to change
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had a couple of financially good years recently. At the same time, I know that a couple of my closest friends have been suffering. I do my best to be supportive. For example, we used to go out to eat a lot. Now, I invite them over for drinks or dinner at least once a month so we can hang without adding burdensome expenses to anyone. Everybody seems to have a nice time, and sometimes they will bring a dish or a bottle of wine or something. My worry is that the power dynamic is subtly changing because I’m the one doing well right now. My career has gone up and down for years. I know this may be fleeting, but I don’t want my friendships to suffer. How can I keep close to my friends as our financial realities change? — In Limbo
DEAR IN LIMBO: Continue being yourself with your friends. Don’t apologize for your success nor brag about it. Life has many twists and turns, and you are smart to realize that this moment will pass. Perhaps some of your friends will also become successful; perhaps not. Each of us has our own path to follow. You cannot create or walk anyone else’s path.
Sadly, socioeconomic differences are often the hardest for people to navigate, sometimes more difficult than race, gender or politics — not to diminish the challenges people face in those arenas. You have the opportunity to continue your friendships despite the economic differences that are emerging. By remaining sensitive to their identities and needs as you also pay attention to yours, you have a chance to defy the odds and sustain the love between you, despite your differences. Trust that it will not always be easy. Pay attention to your loved ones. Listen to their stories as you also tell your own. Find your points of connection and keep them strong.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The process of job hunting has been emotionally and mentally exhausting. With all of the rejection, it’s hard to keep my spirits up and feel confident in myself. It feels like I’m never going to get the job I want. It can be disheartening to send out countless applications only to receive silence or polite rejections in return. How can I remain motivated while unemployed? — Discouraged
DEAR DISCOURAGED: Rejection is tough. It can feel like a gut punch, over and over again. You need to do something to counterbalance it in order to keep your spirits up. Consider doing something physical. Create a daily exercise routine of some kind for yourself. Walk briskly for a half hour. Do some kind of aerobic exercise regularly to get your juices flowing. You don’t need to spend a penny. You just need to commit to movement. Studies have shown that getting your blood flowing can change your mood.
Next, make a plan. Write down your dreams — especially the biggest ones you have. Don’t give up on them. Think about steps that can get you to manifesting your dreams. The littlest goals can help you to stay on course. Look outside of your comfort zone for employment. Where are the needs in your community? Figure that out and offer to help in those areas. Don’t give up. Get creative and keep going for it every day!
