Adult doesn’t feel like a grown-up
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DEAR HARRIETTE: At 26 years old, I’m finally in a position to support myself independently. Despite the tangible indicators of adulthood, I still feel like I’m not ready for it. There are times when I feel like I’m still living as an inexperienced teenager, just pretending to know what I’m doing. I keep wondering — will I ever genuinely feel like an adult? At what point does adulthood really set in? — Growing Up
DEAR GROWING UP: So-called “growing up” can feel like it takes a lifetime. If you listen to some people who are much older than you, you may sometimes hear them saying, “I feel like a big kid.” That can be good and bad. Having an attitude of wonder and curiosity is great. Feeling vulnerable and unprepared is not.
One way to develop a mature mindset is to start planning. Envision what you want your life to be like. What do you see for yourself in five or 10 years? What will you be doing for work? Family? Friends? Where will you live? What will make you happy? How much money will you have? Think about all of it and do your best to imagine it all the way through. This will help you see what you need to do to reach your goals. Part of growing up is being responsible for yourself — for your health, wealth and well-being. Periodically check in with yourself to see how you are doing on those fronts. If you continue to pay attention to how you are setting the course and following your plan, you will begin to notice progress. That’s what growing up looks like.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been completely single for over 12 months now, with no romantic prospects. Surprisingly, I don’t find this depressing; it’s almost as if I’m content being by myself, which has only happened recently. Yet no matter how accepting of my current state I am, my thoughts often drift back to my ex-girlfriend from college. I wouldn’t act on any of these feelings, but I find myself reevaluating our relationship, wanting to know how she’s doing, and almost missing her. Is this normal? The feelings come and go, but they are definitely there. — Dwelling in the Past
DEAR DWELLING IN THE PAST: Ask yourself some key questions: Why did you two break up? What was so special about her and that relationship? Could it be worth it to reach out to her again? I’m a big believer in timing needing to be on your side in order for the magic of a relationship to ignite and last. Perhaps the timing was off in college. Could there be a chance for you two now?
If you think so, do your research. Make sure she is single. Then reach out to her. Tell her you have been thinking about her and would like to see her again. If she agrees, see what unfolds. If not, keep it moving. You don’t want to become a stalker or desperate in any way. Just find out if she’s game to hang out at least once.
