Former employee wants to be friends with boss
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DEAR HARRIETTE: A recently retired former employee of mine is trying to build a friendship with me. We were never particularly friendly while they were employed, and I find the dynamic now to be awkward and uncomfortable. I want to be respectful and kind, but at the same time, I don’t want to be forced into a friendship. Can you help me come up with a way to set boundaries diplomatically? — Awkward Friendship
DEAR AWKWARD FRIENDSHIP: Be cordial and clear. Congratulate your former employee on their retirement and encourage them to enjoy their newly discovered time to do whatever they choose. When they invite you to spend time with them, bow out gracefully. Let them know that your schedule is too full now for you to commit to spending time together. Just say no when they invite you to do things. If this person emails you, write back graciously, but do not agree to hang out with them or become pen pals. If they call, send it to voicemail. You don’t have to respond right away, either. When you get a chance to listen to the message, you can decide what is required, but a simple text back saying you are very busy and unable to connect right now should suffice. After that, just stop responding.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s belly has gotten huge over the past few years, but he either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t care. He still wears sweaters that fit him 20 years ago, and they pull up over the belly so his skin is exposed. It’s not a pretty sight. When I suggest that he wear one of the sweaters I recently purchased him that is the right size, he balks and says he’s wearing what he wants to wear. I suppose at home that’s OK, but he even wears these too-small clothes out in public. It is not good. How can I get him to pay closer attention to his grooming? Many people gain weight over time. I’m not chastising him about that. It would be nice, of course, if he looked after his health. But right now I just want him to cover his belly! — Cover Your Belly
DEAR COVER YOUR BELLY: Do your best to get your husband to look in the mirror when he is wearing the small sweater. Point out that it doesn’t fit him anymore. Ask him to indulge you for a moment. Bring one of the new sweaters and ask him to try it on. Point out that he looks good in it because it fits.
When he grumbles and says he doesn’t care, tell him that you care. You want to look at him and see him well-groomed. Tell him it matters to you that he pays attention to his appearance, at least a little bit. Draw the line for going out. Tell him that even if he refuses to dress in clothes that fit at home, when you go out together, he needs to wear something that fits his body. (Hopefully, he won’t dig in his heels.)
