Phone game addict looks for way to stop
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DEAR HARRIETTE: I started playing games on my phone during the pandemic, and I realized today that I am totally hooked. That may seem childish, but more importantly, it is expensive. These games lure you in, and the next thing you know, you are spending money to buy more chances to do something. The dollars add up fast. The game is fun, but the bill at the end of the month is outrageous. I probably spent several thousand dollars this summer playing games. How can I wean myself off of this habit? I am not a teenager. I can’t even believe I have been this stupid. It’s nuts, but I love it. How can I stop? — Addicted
DEAR ADDICTED: You have taken the first step by acknowledging that you have a problem. Now it’s time for your self-discipline to kick in.
Give yourself a reality check. How much money do you earn every month? Do you have a fixed income, or do your earnings vary from month to month? Figure out what your average income is and write it down. Next, make a list of all of your bills each month. Write it down, starting with fixed expenses. Then add incidentals, down to every little thing — including gaming. When you look at it in black and white, it may become easier for you to recognize where your money is going.
If possible, delete the games that have costs attached to them. Give yourself boundaries around when you can use your phone. Store your phone in another room when you are sleeping. Get therapy if you need further support to stop your addiction. Just know that you can do it. You only have to make up your mind that the games will not run your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought I was a micromanager as a mother, but now I’m not so sure. There are terms like “helicopter mom,” which I hate, but I see that I am way more involved in my son’s life than he would like. He is in college in another state, living on his own. He is making his own decisions, but I can’t help but check in on him to see what he’s doing. College is expensive, and I need to make sure he is doing the work. We cannot afford to have him go to college for longer than four years. How can I ensure that he will stay serious about his studies if I am not checking in on him? — Striking a Balance
DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: If you are certain that you cannot pay beyond four years for your son’s college education, tell him that — and be firm. Add that you are no longer going to hover over him to make sure he stays the course. Now is the time for him to become responsible. If he does not complete his coursework on time, he will have to pay the consequences, including additional tuition if it comes to that. Make that clear to him, and then step back. He must learn how to be an adult. You cannot do it for him.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
